“Pour into those who equally pour into you.”
-Wil Turner
Not always those we love or those of our closest of friends we adopt into our lives are going to be able to meet us where we are at or accommodate our emotional or social needs as we may require or need them to. This doesn’t make them bad people. It simply means that perhaps their priorities are different, or it is time to reassess the nature of the relationship or make some shifts in our priorities to invest our time and energy into taking care of ourselves.
All healthy and happy relationships require communication, honesty, trust, patience, understanding, flexibility, and receiving support from those we love. Healthy and happy relationships involve one’s ability to manage relationships in a healthy way when things don’t go their way and are going wrong.
When it comes to emotionally codependent relationships, the negative impact of such relationships subsequently only impacts those who are givers by nature or in the instances where the relationship is one-sided. Those who rely on their family members, loved ones, spouses, and friends for social and emotional support quite often expect their loved ones and friends to reciprocate equally. In most cases where the emotional or social needs are not met of those who are socially or emotionally codependent, they find it highly heartbreaking, devastating, and disappointing when their family members or friends fall short in this regard.
My therapist put it ever so very eloquently. When we give a gift, we give it without expecting to receive the same gift in return, if at all! Therefore, it is vital for those who are emotionally codependent to have little or no expectations at all. They must learn the skills of being objective if they wish to nurture healthy and happy relationships with their loved ones without the hope, wish, expectation or token of their compassion and care of loved ones to equally be reciprocated with the same expected in return.
In reality, in one variation or another, we are all busy, and all have lives. We all have different emotional, physical, and social needs, priorities, and perceptions of what being in healthy and happy relationships entails. Of which our emotional, physical, and social needs or priorities may shift from time to time and rightfully so.
Numerous people around the world are not quite sure of what they should look for in a relationship. Including those we love into the grander scheme of our busy lives is a matter of choice and requires a great deal of self-efficacy, emotional intelligence, and understanding of not only our love language but also the love languages of those with whom we feel most connected and most emotionally invested in. If the transaction by which you emotionally, physically, and socially invest your time and energy into those you love yields no return on investment, there comes the time one must reassess, divest or close their emotional bank account.
As such may be the case for us all, the transaction must yield more positive gains than negatives. It is also critically important that we are transparent and able to communicate freely without fear, judgment, guilt, regret, or remorse to those we love and rely on for social and emotional support of what our emotional, physical and social needs are. The journey towards nurturing healthy and happy relationships requires both parties involved in the relationship to equally do their part to nurture or grow it.
Nurture yourself and your loved ones as well. Those who emotionally, physically, or socially draw from our wells, and those who we draw from, should also be poured into. In short, none of our emotional, physical, or social wells should ever run completely dry. Healthy and happy relationships are not one-sided. Nor should healthy and happy relationships be complicated. For each measure one pours into their relationship should be weighed accordingly.
Here are the seven secrets to healthy, happy relationships that will guide you on the path towards having the healthy and happy relationships you diligently strive to build.
Developing trust
Trusting is amongst the most vital element in all relationships. Without trust, there can be no relationships, regardless of their nature. Trust is the basis upon which all relationships are formed. To have a genuine connection with our family members, loved ones, or spouses and friends, we must trust that they genuinely have our best interest at heart.
Those who lack trust increase the potential of being inevitably hurt, let down, or emotionally disappointed constantly. There are multiple ways of building the foundation of trust in any type of relationship, be it romantic, plutonic, personal, or professional relationships. Nurture your relationship by getting closer to your friends by understanding them. Thus forming an equal bond where the parties involved can confidently rely on one another in harmony and peace.
Proper communication
Communicating one’s emotional, physical, or social needs can be tricky and difficult. Making oneself vulnerable to their loved ones or spouses, family members, or friends can be scary and isolating. Those who internalize or struggle to keep their social and emotional conflicts to themselves out of fear of seeming clingy or needy inevitably do themselves, their family members, loved ones, spouse, or friends, and their relationships more harm than good. So make sure you understand the love language of the people around you.
As a detriment to those who internalize their social and emotional conflicts, almost all of us, for the sake of internal peace and harmony, allow our feelings to go unexpressed. This, consequential over time, becomes emotionally taxing and exhausting. Thereby nurturing the possibilities of what subsequently becomes toxic, emotionally codependent, or unhealthy and unhappy relationships.
Some other challenges in this regard include the escalation of both internal emotional conflicts and external social conflicts. Having the ability not to take things personally and to look at relationships in general from a broader perspective allows those who are emotionally codependent the time and space needed to assess their relationships in a more productive and meaningful way. It is okay to concern ourselves with the emotional affairs, health, happiness, and well-being of those we love. But not at the expense of compromising one’s health, happiness, and well-being.
To nurture healthy and happy relationships with our family members, loved ones, spouses, and friends, we must remain objective and reasonable. To have healthy and happy relationships, we must have realistic expectations of ourselves and our loved ones by placing those in our lives in the categories into which they fit or belong according to the degree to which they pour into us. However, it is not acceptable or okay to allow yourself to be emotionally taken advantage of or for granted.
As emotional human beings by nature, it is important for those who are emotionally codependent to understand that people come and go throughout their lives for good reasons. To foster healthy and happy relationships with those we love, we each must do our part. All relationships require mutual trust, communication, patience, flexibility, understanding, and supportiveness.
Being Affectionate
It is well-known that being affectionate is among the most prerequisite of nurturing healthy and happy relationships. Affection no doubt tops the seven secrets to a healthy, happy relationships chart. Being affectionate towards your loved ones enables you to express your love in a very genuine manner. There are numerous gestures of showing affection. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, these are inclusive of hugs, physical, touch, and kisses. Such a demonstration of affection directly demonstrates to what degree we love, care for, and appreciate our family members, loved ones, and friends.
The demonstration of these various forms of affection compels those we love to feel comfortable, secure,e and supported. When it comes to demonstrations of affection, there is no measurable amount too little or too great. The same is especially true in the case of romantic and physical intimacy.
Although keeping our emotional wells and bank accounts as full as possible is very important. As long as we make the genuinely concerted effort to do our part to nurture the healthy and happy relationships we seek and to allow those we love to love us in the best way they know how; there is no need to worry about how much we pour into or invest in our loved ones. Nor how much our loved ones invest or pour into us.
Flexibility
In every type of relationship, there must be an equal give and take or room for some compromise. Thus, the other core component of building healthy and happy relationships is flexibility. Showing grace and flexibility are good characteristics if the tension between two points is constant, ultimately one end breaks. Thereby fostering unhealthy patterns which could cause emotional strain on the relationship.
To nurture a healthy and happy relationship, one must know when to bend, push or pull, especially during emotionally challenging times. Those who are unable to meet you where you’re at or willing to bend for the sake of preserving the integrity of the relationship; will eventually reveal to you where their agenda or priority lies. Thus, in such a case, it is important to know when to let the rope go.
Appreciating one another
There is no greater feeling than being loved and appreciated. Numerous studies and research claim that appreciating each other in a relationship fosters one’s intrinsic health and happiness. Showing gratitude for our loved ones is also a great measure of how much we care for those we love. The tokens of one’s appreciation include expressing it through both our words and deeds. Appreciation can be expressed in the form of words of affirmation, physical touch, the giving of gifts, or the investment of spending quality time with our family members, loved ones, and friends.
Apart from working to improve the quality of one’s relationships and well-being, the smallest of expressions or gestures of appreciation also improve the depth and quality of the relationship. Thus forming what one hopes to be a lasting bond between those who love, support, and appreciate each other very much.
Growing together
Growing together entails supporting each other both during the ups and downs. When one feels supported by their loved ones, it lifts them knowing they are cared for and appreciated.
Respecting each other
Remember that no individual feels or thinks the same. We must be mindful of our loved ones’ emotional and 0hysical needs. Being mindful of this shows the fact that we care for and accept those we love for who they are unconditional.
Conclusion
No relationship is perfect. Nor should any relationship be one-sided. Hopefully, the above seven secrets to healthy, happy relationships will guide you on the journey towards living the healthy and happy life you seek and rightfully deserve. The above principles apply to all types of relations, especially romantic committed relationships.
Therefore, it is extremely crucial to communicate, be honest, trustworthy, and patient, flexible, understanding, and supportive of your family members and those you consider your closest friends. Although maintaining healthy relationships require some effort, the time we invest by pouring into those willing to pour into us is well worth it in the end.
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